Day 5: A mental transformation amid a physical one.

I realized I keep counting on the wrong people to make me happy. Of course, happiness is not a viable end for any person. "If it makes you happy, do x." Is bullshit philosophy. "If it makes you happy, do x and keep doing x, but don't do x in excess and understand that the opposite of x may or may not bring you happiness..." etc. is a well thought out mind-boggling philosophy.
What exactly do you go to X person for? Is it really to make you happy? Maybe it is just to feel the comfort of knowing that you have so-and-so relationship. I did a little mind digging and found myself not being healed. I guess that's also because I keep going to the wrong people to heal me and it never works. I've tried myself... you know, the whole 'will your mind to cope with such and such, and it will'. It does... most of the times. Other times, you've got to push it. You've got to get to the root of the problem and uproot it, before it decays and rots there like that sandwich bag in the far corner of your locker. The stench, that's easy to kill... just use febreeze (or in this case, just a little air), but you see, nothing really changes even if the stench is gone. Even if the whole bloody plant is dead, it can look alive (a cactus, for instance). So, I guess, it really is important to uproot.
But, what if, uprooting shifts my perspective? What if it destroys the comfort of where I am at? Then, I need to slap myself silly and face myself and say that 'change is inevitable' and move on.
All of this deep theorizing about change and its implications, really just has a very small effect. I was staring at the full length mirror and examining my waistline, it's tiny (not 22 inch tiny, but tiny), and then my gigantic hips (I love them, but they are a hassle when trying to buy pants that fit), and realized that I can do something about my shape. It's not forever a lost cause. I can do some exercises that make me lose the fat around my hips... and trim down my waistline as well, in the process.
Now, that's change... in perspective. I never thought that I could come to terms with being able to change the cards I had been dealt in terms of my body shape. Mostly, I can't... but I can begin to make myself satisfied with it, by working with what I've got and transforming it to my liking.
Mantra for tomorrow: Have a blast! It's new year's eve, do something crazy and don't ever look back (now I sound like a Katy Perry song).